Although vulnerability has helped me more in my recovery than anything else has, I was well aware of the potential negative consequences. I have been in denial that others have taken advantage of me, but this is an open letter to those who have done so, or to those who have taken advantage of others period. I couldn’t hold this in any longer.
To those I thought I could trust,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you couldn’t handle me opening my heart to you. It took strength to share my struggle, and it took a lack of strength for you to take advantage of it. I’m not one to seek revenge, and I would never hold resentment. What I do hold on to, however, is the pain that you have left me with and my inability to trust others like I used to.
I befriended you at first because I felt a connection. I truly wanted to be close to you. To share memorable experiences with you. I shared experiences that my memory continues to grasp on to, but the idea that I meant something completely different to you than a friend overshadows those memories. It hurts.
I not only hurt for myself, but I also hurt for you. I’m uncomfortable knowing that there are people who intentionally want to use others. I’m uncomfortable knowing that you could potentially go on to make others feel the same way you made me feel. Deep down I know you have a big heart and mean well, so it hurts me knowing that you barely scratched the surface and couldn’t dig deep enough to find that big heart of yours.
I don’t regret anything. I can’t disregard my feelings of anger and frustration, but I can use that energy to empower my mind and body to make a change. If anything, I’m blessed to have been taken advantage of by you. It’s granted me the opportunity to speak out to others about my experience. It’s given me strength and courage to talk about it. I’ve been able to look at myself on the inside to realize I too easily trusted others, and to take my time in giving someone my trust. It’s comforting knowing that maybe I’m the first and last of those you take advantage of. I know I learned my lesson, and hopefully you will learn yours, too.
I’m sorry, but I’m thankful. Thanks for helping me transform into a better version of myself every damn day. I love seeing myself grow.
All the best,
A much stronger Sav