• Contact
Recovery is Life
July 1, 2015

“I need help. I can’t take this anymore. I am losing control of my life again, and I am sick… I know I am.” Those were the last words I had said before my doctor told me I couldn’t climb until I regained control again. Everything seemed to be going well at the time: I excelled in school and was nominated to serve in several leadership positions, I climbed hard and was in the midst of one of my best seasons, and I planned to live in Kentucky at the Red all summer- a dream of mine since I first went to the Red a few years back. What could be wrong with me? How could I possibly be so miserable on the inside when everything seemed so right?

Now that I am in a much better place, I thought I would partially share my story. I am not afraid to say that I have been dealing with an eating disorder for the past six years of my life. I relapsed this past spring, and although some view relapsing as a sign of weakness, I view it as a sign that my eating disorder is real. Not only that, but my relapse validated my strength, tenacity, and wisdom: three characteristics I posses from dealing with my eating disorder for all of my teenage life.

My eating disorder began in 8th grade at the young age of 13, but as I grew older I realized that it wasn’t something that would just go away. I recognized that recovery is not something you go through for weeks, months, or even years. Recovery is also not just the time you spend in a mental institution. Recovery is life. Recovery is learning to be stronger than what was once stronger than you. These two simple ideas transformed the way I viewed life going forward. I knew the process wasn’t going to be easy, yet I also knew that nothing truly worth it comes easy. I knew I had to live for recovery and overcoming this demon… I think that’s what ultimately inspired me to really put in such hard work this relapse.

I decided to seek treatment again this past April. I knew my weight had dropped: my clothes were baggy, I felt weak and fatigued, and I looked gaunt. I wasn’t okay with how I looked, yet the eating disorder voice kept pushing me to take it further… to listen to it. I knew I couldn’t because I would lose so much, yet I kept giving in to this parasite that kept consuming my mind. When I arrived at my psychiatrist’s office back in April, I broke down screaming and in tears because I knew I couldn’t take it anymore. She knew it, too, yet she was waiting for me to open up about the eating disorder I had been trying to hide for so long. She knew that recovery wasn’t something you can force someone into (unless they truly are in a critical stage), rather recovery has to be desired by the person in need. After this appointment, many appointments followed including to my therapist, nutritionist, psychiatrist, and primary care physician; furthermore, I couldn’t be more grateful for my care team and the attention they provided me in such a time of need. I am also so glad to have had friends and family that stepped in and did anything to support me. I am truly connected to wonderful people.

Although I am back to normal physically, I still have a little work to do mentally. Every day is a new fight and provides me with new challenges to overcome. Now that I am in a much better place, I thought I would share my story with the world in hopes of ending the stigma attached to eating disorders. No, I cannot just “eat a hamburger” (I can, but you get what I meant).  No, I am not psycho (maybe a little weird, but not psycho). Eating disorders are debilitating, but once can certainly overcome an eating disorder with tenacity and the will to push forward. What those going through such a painful experience could use is the love and support of a community… so let’s end the stigma. Treat eating disorders as you would treat any other disease.

I didn’t mean for this to be a novel, and I hope to keep my blog posts short and sweet in the future. I thought I would take the opportunity to open up my new blog, however, with a bang. More to come about my life up in Chicago after the big move from Atlanta… bikes, beaches, baked goods… woot woot! Chicago life is pretty good… not gonna lie.

anorexiaboulderingchicagoclimbClimbingeating disorderrock climbingsport climbing
Share

Climbing

savvytothemax

You might also like

Code Pink
June 5, 2018
Goodbye Diet Body
December 30, 2017
Quit Lying to Yourself
December 25, 2017

Leave a reply


Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Recent Posts

    • Just Breathe
      August 28, 2019
    • Live and Die
      April 3, 2019
    • Perfect v Perfectionism
      September 25, 2018
  • Error: Please check if you enter Instagram username and Access Token in Theme Setting > Social Profiles
  • Tweets



  • Recent Posts

    • Just Breathe August 28, 2019
    • Live and Die April 3, 2019
    • Perfect v Perfectionism September 25, 2018
    • Code Pink June 5, 2018
    • Goodbye Diet Body December 30, 2017
  • Archives

    • August 2019 (1)
    • April 2019 (1)
    • September 2018 (1)
    • June 2018 (1)
    • December 2017 (2)
    • July 2017 (1)
    • April 2017 (2)
    • February 2017 (1)
    • December 2016 (1)
    • October 2016 (1)
    • September 2016 (1)
    • August 2016 (1)
    • May 2016 (1)
    • January 2016 (1)
    • December 2015 (1)
    • November 2015 (1)
    • September 2015 (1)
    • August 2015 (1)
    • July 2015 (2)
  • Recent Comments

    • Susanne Young on Just Breathe
    • Viki Anderrson on Just Breathe
    • Viki Anderson on Live and Die
    • Emily on Perfect v Perfectionism
    • Angela on Perfect v Perfectionism
  • RSS Savannah Buik

    • Just Breathe
    • Live and Die
    • Perfect v Perfectionism
    • Code Pink
    • Goodbye Diet Body
    • Quit Lying to Yourself
    • I Don’t Give a Sh*t About Your Diet (and You Shouldn’t Either)
    • A Plea to Protect the Young Guns
    • I Don’t Want to be That Fitness-Obsessed Girl
    • I Lived to See Twenty-One

© Copyright Savannah Buik 2015